tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post3834813940428432857..comments2013-09-18T08:16:31.919-07:00Comments on Random Musings and Other Literary Tid-Bits: Pimp my Pitch...Log line, tagline, hook--whatever you want to call it. Natasha Hawkinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-54070677212706263882012-09-14T07:49:53.087-07:002012-09-14T07:49:53.087-07:00Thanks, Laura. I appreciate the encouragement and ...Thanks, Laura. I appreciate the encouragement and am glad to hear I'm not alone in my pitch nightmares.<br /><br />Natasha Hawkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-64699019889787056052012-09-14T07:08:23.145-07:002012-09-14T07:08:23.145-07:00What do you all think of this one instead?:
Like ...What do you all think of this one instead?:<br /><br />Like most people, Abigail Montgomery has always had a Watcher—a trained guardian angel sent from Nevaeh—assigned to look after her. Unlike most people, she knows it. But, it's not until her seventeenth birthday—the day her Gram dies—and she jumps thirty feet to almost certain death that she needs him.<br /><br />I think it plays up the paranormal "romance" part of the story a bit more...and maybe makes it more unique?Natasha Hawkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-82190093110821760072012-09-13T17:30:06.427-07:002012-09-13T17:30:06.427-07:00GAH! Pitches and loglines kill me, and it seems ev...GAH! Pitches and loglines kill me, and it seems every summer contest this year didn't want first 250 or queries -- they wanted pitches and loglines. I couldn't enter anything. <br />I wish you HUGE good luck with Baker's Dozen! :-)<br />~ Laura, YALitChat<br />http://lexacain.blogspot.com/2012/09/belly-dancers.htmlAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-28985370977255230592012-09-13T14:46:16.365-07:002012-09-13T14:46:16.365-07:00Thanks, Sarah.
Don't worry, you're not s...Thanks, Sarah. <br /><br />Don't worry, you're not saying anything I haven't heard before or thought myself. There is MORE to what makes my book stand out from the others with the "chosen one" theme, but I was having a hard time narrowing down specifically what that was. For now, I have taken your advice and focused less on that aspect. I will continue working on this, I'm sure. But, in the meantime, I think the revised pitch is better.<br /><br />Thanks for your honesty. It really is the only way to make a writer better!Natasha Hawkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-26344971100840884722012-09-13T14:42:20.704-07:002012-09-13T14:42:20.704-07:00Thanks, Kelly. Yes, I agree with Beth, as well. I&...Thanks, Kelly. Yes, I agree with Beth, as well. I've taken your advice (and Beth's) and shortened up the pitch to one sentence. I think it works better, although, I'm sure I can still make it stronger. <br /><br />I appreciate the feedback tremendously!Natasha Hawkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-75529841977724808242012-09-13T14:40:09.804-07:002012-09-13T14:40:09.804-07:00Thanks, Beth! Your advice really did help. I took ...Thanks, Beth! Your advice really did help. I took out the title and genre, as you suggested. The only reason I put it in was to give the reader a reference, but I should have done that in the post itself. Also, I've shortened it up quite a bit, so hopefully it is tighter and reads better.<br /><br />Thanks again for leaving feedback!Natasha Hawkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535719481335251794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-54082207411229881842012-09-13T13:34:24.545-07:002012-09-13T13:34:24.545-07:00I hate saying this, but since I've heard it in...I hate saying this, but since I've heard it in agent feedback myself I'm gonna let loose. There are a lot of he/she is the "prophesied one" out there in different forms. I'd suggest concentrating less on this and more on what makes your "the one" story different from the others.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01052604405996474436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-79845262731535770242012-09-13T13:03:04.298-07:002012-09-13T13:03:04.298-07:00I agree with Beth. Usually for these contests, you...I agree with Beth. Usually for these contests, your pitch is only one sentence.Kelly Hashwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13936313159809041986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9216148259709853591.post-19484482788161286222012-09-13T13:01:17.144-07:002012-09-13T13:01:17.144-07:00I think what you have here is good, but it looks a...I think what you have here is good, but it looks a little long. It's usually recommended to keep your hook sentence less than 35 words. (I haven't counted so you could be). You could take out that it's a paranormal, because that usually goes in the last line of the query. Hope that helps. If it doesn't, sorry.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.com