Thursday, September 27, 2012

Query Critique

Two weeks ago I volunteered to have my query for IGNITE critiqued over at Oasis for YA. Four of the Oasis ladies were gracious enough to take the time to offer up their suggestions. Check it on here: Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Our Critiques

Here is the revised query based on the feedback I received from the Oasis Sisters...

Competitive swimmer Alison Summers should be back home in Nevada celebrating her seventeenth birthday at the pool with her best friend and not running from her grandmother’s killers. But no one, including her family, believes Ali’s story, anyway. Not once the autopsy determines the cause of death is cancer and she’s branded with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No one except WitWatch—a top-secret and experimental branch of the Witness Protection Program operated by agents with supernatural abilities.

But, she’s not crazy, and she’ll prove it. To expose the killers, Ali must trust a fire-wielding Watcher with a classified past. Only Agent William Reed is keeping deeper secrets: like his ability to transfer thoughts into other minds. Following an attack by a discharged sect of Watchers, Will mysteriously disappears leaving her doubting his alliance. When Ali learns she possesses his matching element, Water, her new ability helps track down Will and a link to who killed her Gram. But that’s not all she finds: a rouge Watcher with an antibody to eliminate supernatural powers has resurfaced. And Ali’s next on his to-cure list. Now, Ali needs to decide if the world is better off with or without her kind. But either choice may lead to losing someone she loves.

IGNITE is a 72,000 word YA paranormal novel with romantic elements and suspenseful twists that will appeal to readers who enjoyed Kelly Armstrong’s DARKEST POWERS trilogy.

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